Into the airwaves

Saturday, 21 November 2009

im lying on my bed in my most comfortable bath robe, listening to insanely good ingrid michaelson songs, sipping hot tea and i have absolutely nothing on my mind.

for the first time in a long while i find myself unnaturally at ease.

there are no deadlines to meet, no exams to study for. nothing.

somehow i imagined the end of IB would have been better received though.

no fanfare no parades no confetti to celebrate the end of something so huge.

well i suppose the world went on while we were busy locked away memorizing page after page, chapter after chapter of our books.

it was a pretty fun day though.

i gave my day a kick start by going to brewerkz to celebrate with the bestest friend in the world.

but mug after mug after mug proved that starting a drinking session at 1 in the afternoon was not entirely the best idea. needless to say though, it was a fantabulous day.

and my night was spent doing the most typical things ever, cards, dinner and ice cream.

you would think its nothing fantastic but id missed it so much.

just the fact that we managed to hang out together at a standard place on a friday night was purely magical.

and it was truly great, gathering around just catching up and talking and playing cards and gossiping and not having a single care in the world.

i must say, i had a great 'last day of exams'

there was no clubbing, no loud music, no stumbling in at 6am but nonetheless it was simply great (:

heres to the next eight months being equally laid back and fun!!

00:56.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

it seems ive been disconnected from the world for longer than id realised.

tomorrow marks the end of my exams, the end of my academic career for the next eight months at least, the end of school in essence and ultimately the end of taking international/national examinations. guess tomorrow really is a big day.

its the end of so many things.

though i must say it is also the start of many wonderful things.

the start of the rest of my life, the start of long nights of partying, the start of having nothing academic related to worry about-well for a while at least.

i can hardly wait.

french is going to be relatively interesting tomorrow.

as prepared as i am, i also feel like i havent done much.

guess only time will tell just how prepared i really am.

im bursting with excitement over the end of exams

it seems like a delayed reaction because everyone started celebrating a while ago

but i can finally be happy because ill have NOTHING to worry about.

next friday is graduation

and saturday is prom.

after next saturday, who know when im ever going to see the majority of the people i spent the last two years with ever again.

now if only i had a universal remote that controlled everything.

22:18.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

thank god for wireless internet (:

so this weekend has been absolutely magical-NOT.

spent all of friday afternoon shopping with the rest for prom dresses that we never found.

spent friday evening under the rain at helipad chugging drinks we could have been sipping instead, if not for the damn rain.

off again on again fighting with slides that lasted a good 2-3 hours-boys can be SOO annoying.

then i spent a good 35 minutes waiting for a stupid cab.

of course saturday was even more perfect than friday.

had to cancel the awesome shopping trip with debs thanks to annoying people coming over.

and now im here, stuck in a stupid hospital with nothing to do.

ok well not nothing, theres always facebook and catching up on the millions of movies ive missed over the last two, three months.

the exams arent entirely over but with only french left, i feel like im pretty much done.

now its all about the party planning and the dress shopping and the drinking.

if only bad things would stop happening so i can get on with the good stuff :(

it just feels like an extended friday the thirteenth.

bad luck be gone!

it feels so good to be able to rant again :D :D

03:12.

Friday, 30 October 2009

long distance relationships leave you too comfortable.

you get used to a certain way of doing things.

you speak at certain times, you text, you email, you skype, you write letters but thats it.

and when you meet, be it for two weeks, four months or a couple of days on a stopover visit, you make the absolute most of it. the fights are kept to a minimum and somehow you cant seem to get enough of the other person.

every last moment is pure magic and you remember every last detail as if its the only thing that has ever mattered.

its different when you're both on the same freaking island though.

finding time to meet during exams is hard.

entertaining calls is annoying,

the texts goodnight and the calls to say 'good morning' are a little too much to handle.

three fights in three nights.

ignoring people.

arguing.

saying yes to things in the 'moment.' regretting them later.

trying my best to do something that will annoy YOU enough to break up with ME because i cant seem to be able to do it.

its insanely annoying.

this isnt me.

we were better off as friends.

and im certain its not really you, i just miss the one before you.

to be honest, you dont measure up.

you're funny and nice and sweet but you fall short.

there is no way you could ever be like him

and i know its unfair to keep comparing you

but three months isnt remotely enough time to get over a million year long relationship.

then again, maybe we're going through a rough patch?

ARGHHHHHHHHHH exam season is SO NOT THE TIME to be thinking about such stupid things. on a side note, im so sick of studying that im beginning to think dismembering myself is a whole lot more fun.

the IB sucks. big time.

00:15.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

ive been sitting here at starbucks since 2pm this afternoon.

in the last six hours ive barely moved.

in fact, almost everyday for the past two weeks ive been here.

some days we get started at 11 other days much later.

basically we've all spent more time at this starbucks than we have at home.

one more week to the MOST life defining exams ill ever have to sit for.

im petrified and thats putting it mildly.

in fact, there isnt a word to describe the type of fear im feeling.

i can hardly wait for it all to be over though.

life is going to be magically lazy and fun in the months following the IB.

for now though, i ought to get back to my dreaded math :(

when we've come to an outcome thats too horrible to face,

thats when we ask for a second opinion.

sometimes the answer we get just confirms our worst fears

but sometimes it can shed new light on the problem,

make you see it in a whole new way.

after all the opinions have been heard

and every point of view has been considered

you finally find what youre after,

the truth.

but the truth isnt where it ends.

thats just where you begin again.

with a whole new set of questions.

20:06.

Thursday, 22 October 2009

so you write it and then you rewrite it.

you perfect each sentence as if the tiniest error could result in tragedy.

you take great care in picking the paper you write on.

the pen you use has to be of a certain colour. an exact shade.

when you're done with your seventh draft you decide to rewrite it once more.

just to be sure.

when you're done and you've read it at least fifteen times over,

you finally feel like you're ready.

so you place it in the most perfect envelope you can find.

paste the prettiest stamp on the top corner.

seal the envelope.

walk to the mailbox.

right before you shove it in, you rip up the letter to shreds.

you make sure its cut up so small it can no longer be pieced together.

at the end of the day it wont matter if the letter is read or not.

words that could move mountains will merely float through you.

sentences that took hours to construct will leave you unfazed.

it is indeed better this way.

you, blissfully unaware.

and me, determined to not care.

I write the love letters you never got,

the ones you never sent.

And I'll throw these words out there like confetti.

00:02.

Saturday, 17 October 2009

the words, they feel foreign.

they roll off my tongue and they barely make sense.

they dont hold any meaning.

just two meaningless words that seem to have a more significant meaning when put together.

im not sure why im so detached from the situation but i am.

i cant help it.

exclusivity is a big word isnt it?

i think the only reason i feel this way is because im scared.

this phobia isnt something i created for myself though,

i think you left shoes that are far too big to fill.

im not sure anyone can come close.

how can anyone ever understand me as well?

how can anyone know me so through and through?

how can anyone know exactly what i want without me even uttering a word?

how can anyone be you?

its been long enough and im a fool for being stuck in this position.

i deserve to move on and i have.

yet somewhere deep inside i dont think im ready.

maybe i want to spend the rest of the next year curled up in bed crying

but life is pulling me in another direction.

decisions were made for me that i cannot undo.

im not ready for this and i dont think ill ever be.

im not being melodramatic

its just that this jumble of feelings is getting really old really fast.

i hate you for making me feel like this.

then again hate isnt the opposite of love, indifference is.

a little taste of indifference towards you would be like a drop of heaven right now.

Happiness, it hurt like a train on a track
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with a drink
and washed it away down the kitchen sink

high school ended today.

im not ready to move on.

02:17.